Dear Stranger…

Since I delayed in the post allow me to set it up in the proper time frame. This past weekend after my husband got out of work I decided to surprise him with getting his Father’s Day present a day early which involved going to Target. Now, I should mention we rarely shop at Target for several reasons that aren’t important for this post, but the machine was there so, despite my husband’s protests of me dragging him to a store, we went. Needless to say after we got his present- which was a French Press coffee maker- his tone drastically changed and we browsed the aisles a bit and ended up with a few more things before checking out. While we waited, I heard a few children a couple of checkouts over go into the usual childlike wonder at my current hair color which caused me to smile and I turned my attention munchkin where he sat in the cart looking at the stuff we had bought. After we leave and are home a few my husband turns to me, noting a few looks I had overlooked while I was talking to munchkin about the things in the cart. I look perplexed for a moment, so he reminds me we are far from normal- we’re both in our mid-twenties with  a three year old, and in my case- which has been confirmed by an insane amount of strangers- I look younger. The biggest guilty party of the depth of dislike and unwelcome he described, though was the hair, mine being the blue it is and his falling to about mid-back. Now- looks and some glares are no strange thing to me since going outta the box in regards to my hair, but given that my husband took it on himself to silently tell the guilty party here that her glare wasn’t welcome drove it to a new level since it showed that it was enough to bother him, and he gives about ten thousand less cares about what other people think and actually encourages me to do the same. And while I usually try to simply ignore things, this incident as well as a few others prompted this response:

Dear stranger,

You know me. I’m the one that sticks out like a sore thumb in a crowd if only due to one fact of my appearance- my hair. I’m the one that you just spent the entire wait in line giving a death stare to and sending silent messages that generally boil down to unwelcome before moving onto my husband. You don’t know me though, just as I don’t know you- not the true me or you anyway. Since you will never give me the chance to tell you- why don’t I do it now. Yes, my hair is blue- it might not be to your tastes, but it is to mine. There is no reason for you to make me feel unwelcome, or try to because of that fact. I don’t make you feel unwelcome, or at least try not to because your hair is a shade of my natural color, brown and I happen to dislike that color on me.  Besides taste, there is another reason my hair is blue and that is because very recently I managed to overcome my self-esteem issues and start doing things for me and not what the popular opinion wants. I dyed my hair since high school at various times, but because of this was always too afraid to try the wild colors. This re-found ability enables me to brush off most of the stares, but doesn’t make me immune to them by any means and especially not the harsh ones like you gave today. But that stare will never allow you to know this about me because of simply closing your mind due to appearances.

You will also never know though we look young, my husband and I have been together for 7 and a 1/2 years, almost been married a whole year and have been through hell and back, even more than some- as we joke, we’re only waiting for the richer part of the marriage vows. I’m trying to keep in mind that you would never know this without asking or really taking in the rings on my left hand, but I wonder if the wrinkled nose, like something that smelled rotten was underneath it, was really needed. Chances are it wasn’t.

Yes, everyone at some point does the judging stare in various degrees, the only thing separating one from another is the intention of the stare. They can range from simply taking in and casting silent judgements to trying to drive away as you were. It only partly worked, it was enough to make us feel unwelcome but not enough to make us simply drop everything and go away. We all have our own preferences painted by our own internal styles or what is shown out there in the world (ex. Media coverage or reality tv shows), but it doesn’t make driving away based on that any more right or any less hurtful. So, next time you see someone who might not look like everyone else, who has something about them that might stand out whether it’s hair or something- think twice about what message that stare might deliver because even the toughest people can crack and you might not know their whole story.

_____________________________________________________________________

Note: I wrote this with the thought that for good or bad or right or wrong, we all cast judgements, you only need to go the nearest high school to really see it. The main thing is being on the receiving end of the judgements like the one my husband and I experienced and what that cuts off because such a judgement is cast and if people should be judged that way for things like blue hair. If you comment keep comments along these lines and not how right or wrong or anything like that such judgements are, all that is, is a can of worms and leads to just comments being combed since I don’t think anyone will agree anytime soon on it sadly.

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Happy Mother’s Day

I’ve spent a wonderful, warm day with my two men and a picnic with my side of the family and got treated to some girly things. It’s hard to think this my third official Mother’s Day though it’s the fourth I’ve celebrated. When I was pregnant with munchkin, my husband insisted we celebrate since he could see how I needed it since it was my second Mother’s Day without my own mother and here I was pregnant and on the verge of motherhood myself.

mom

My mom and one of my Aunt’s foster children taken in the 80’s. (She became a master dodger of photos later so not many are around).

So to all the mom’s out there, whether yours is still here or has moved on, Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Deep Sunday Thoughts

Okay I confess- some of this will be repeats from previous posts where they were touched on in some detail or very little. This is my current mood though based on what just happened and made it dawn on me once more. The set up- I was sitting with my son on my lap watching a few music videos and a couple behind the scenes ones as well while we cuddled before bed. He was entranced though for a couple of the behind the scenes one I was more interested in what was being said- following your dream and being afraid to fail. The constants we put on ourselves that actually prevent us from following those dreams and I realized that’s what I had been suffering from for years now and still haven’t been able to shed it. ( Link to the video that partly sparked this post here, by the way if you haven’t I highly encourage you to check out her music as well.) While chancy indie publishing and being an indie author has never been at its best point to try to get into because of the attention it now has as well as credibility.

So I completely realized how right she was in this video- as we grow older we do put constraints on our dreams. Instead of seeing limitless potential we see hurdles upon hurdles and practicalities. Yes- some would call this realism and I would agree that some realism is necessary but you hear every day of people working jobs they HATE to get by only. And by hate I mean barely tolerate with sanity, several steps above and beyond what I consider baseline of simply impatient for the day to be over like I was during my summer job at a local amusement park back in high school. Anyway- I watched my son stare fascinated at the images on the screen, whether he fully understood what was said it caused me to think back to my mindset when I first started this journey- to show him dreams- even impossible seeming ones -can be possible.

Growing up I had a pretty lose outlook on what was possible for me from others in my life. At the same time- they urge me to get a solid job, one with a secure future- or you know, those ones that chances are you HATE or are ranked a bit below that point on the scale of job love. Who cares if you enjoy it, they say- it pays the bills and that’s all that matters liking it will either grow or just never come. As for me I had a drastically different view, what is a job if you don’t like it? I went in phases- I wanted to be a doctor.. .then actor except I have horrible shyness and stage fright- then author – and eventually professor as my college years progressed and the author thing became a distant memory. Then I discovered that I could actually accomplish that dream and figured why not try. Best to finally give it a go then not, of course this thing that I thought was going to be a somewhat laid back affair now carries a piece of my soul, hopes and dreams. It no longer is seen as a secondary thing, but a focus though I still go to school. Still, the same people wonder how much money I’m making from books, how much this and that is going into this. In other words- how much is being wasted on such a chancy thing?

I try to tactfully dodge the questions- since I’m starting to be honest the answers will just add fuel to the fire. I’m still finding my footing, tweaking my strategy and approaches- the windfall- if any is fall off into the future. But sitting here tonight I wonder why I ever stopped those years ago when I was spurred on to seek publishing the first time. I refocused my view because to be frank a few weeks ago I had one of those great moments authors have at times that I was about to throw in the towel and quit. I realized it was the same voices- the ones that tell you to go the realistic to constrained route in life that caused the silence, the abandonment of the dream for that time period. I was looking at colleges, trying to find a steady job- I couldn’t balance both I felt and still go to high school. And when I say trying to find  a steady- not seasonal job I mean really under a lot of pressure to do so though I was never really successful. Conversations turned to “What do you want to do after you’re done with school?” Anything less than certain was met with the usual grimace and quickly flying suggestions of alternatives that were much safer. This followed to the – why don’t you just work and not go to school suggestion. So I lived by the mantra for years of safety over dream- now that isn’t to say I have no love for being a professor or my major and that all they are is that safe option- on the contrary I do. It was one of those majors and ideas that take hold in the “discovery time” of early college years when you test the waters and discover new fields.

Last winter though I remembered those stories, since Vengeance and another idea I’m developing for a future series are both written originally back then. I remembered the far flung dreams and the voices urging me to publish, that it was good enough to make it. So I dared to take a look with fresh eyes and shove the other voices that said it was a waste of time and wouldn’t go anywhere- to just continue on the secure path aside and decided to go for it. To be honest while I want my son to have a secure future I don’t want him to do something he hates for it, I don’t’ want him to abandon a dream because it is hard and most of all I don’t want him to lose that world of wide possibilities we seem to completely lose as adults. Some harshness and realism will happen, it is par the course, you want to have that backup plan but I don’t ever want him to feel he has to wonder what if. What better way than to prove that it can be done taking a rode you have to literally pave yourself? Sure its not the easiest route- at the same time is querying agents and publishers any easier at times? You trade waiting for work – yeah there are pros and cons to each version of publishing- that’s a whole other post though, but really is it any easier on the nerves wondering if that latest promo effort paid off or if you would get a favorable response from someone who would represent you and your ideas? I also do it for myself- to fulfill a dream from days gone by that I thought I’d left behind forever but have a chance still to fulfill. I do it to also, and some may think this petty, to prove those nay-saying voices wrong. To prove that you can make a sustainable living of an amount doing this job, a job I love and fulfill a dream that may or may not be worth it in others eyes. In a way I’ve already accomplished the first part of the reasoning, I have a few books out with more being worked on- I have shown it is possible but its not done.

So in this insane stream of consciousness I began on a Sunday night and am now finishing in the early dawn hours Monday I do have a point. The point is to not give up on those dreams- seek out and remember those that encourage them, ignore the rest though those voices will be the loudest at times. Most of all, pass that belief down to the next generation if you have kids or someone of similar age in your life like nieces or nephews. Like I said some realism is going to happen, these dreams are hard work no matter what route you take, and sometimes things prevent them from being fulfilled right now. Don’t give the line of them being not worth it because of it and push into  the realm of  never instead of maybe. Encourage smartness but not lack of worth. Maybe then we can all keep looking at the world through the eyes of a child somewhat again and believe in not just the limitless potential of others but our own.

Sad, Sad States…

I used to browse for hours and hours in the sci-fi /fantasy section of my local Barnes and Noble- while not the biggest section in the world it definitely seemed to have a good area, covering about 2/3 of the back wall in the main part of the store with about the same free standing shelves about equal to the wall space covered by the books. Included in this partly was a tiny nook that held both like TV book adaptions and tabletop RPG rule books for DnD and Warhammer among others. Have the authors that have shaped my own stories in some way were discovered in this section. So for part nostalgia, part I haven’t been in a actual brick and mortal book store in a while I decide while we were out and about today after a few appointments and Chinese lunch to go over and take a peek after my husband asked if there were anywhere else I’d like to go while we were in the area. We’ll not touch on how somewhat bad of an idea it is to take a three year old to a bookstore and expect him to behave long enough for you to browse the shelves at least in the slightest right now because I think everyone can see how this turns out.

Anyway, we walk back and I notice that the store has been rearranged even from what it was last time I was in, now the fantasy/sci-fi section was a fraction of what it was then. The YA books that had the fantasy subgenre were shoved in among the free standing shelves with their own label as though to fill it out more or marketing gimmick and the entire section were tucked behind the romance section. Regardless of my beloved books being shoved into a corner, the same corner that used to just be a continuation of the section in the store, I start looking as my son takes it all in, squealing with excitement and running hands down the shelves he could reach (I will note for my previous statement he was rather well behaved overall). Most of the section was filled with rather the bigger names in fantasy and sci-fi and what there was that stood out seemed to be vampire centric novels mainly – seriously are we done with this crazy yet? I’m tired of vampires really, I’ve been tired of it like two years ago at least. Needless to say I didn’t get anything this time around, couldn’t take  nearly as much time as I wanted to look around but left with a somewhat sadness that the section had shrunk so much. As I drove home my husband commented he was sorry I didn’t get a chance to look as much as he knew I would have liked.

“It’s fine,” I tell him. “To be honest the selection wasn’t that appealing to me anyway. I’m rather picky when it comes to books remember?”

“Yeah, but still.”

“I actually wanted to go because I like the store and missed looking at physical books and, in a self-centered way, see if my book was there by a fluke- so I at least accomplished that.”

“You don’t have anything with them though, right?”

“So long as there’s demand my books can appear anywhere really.” I sigh, “That section really made me sad though.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it was so tiny- a lot smaller from what it used to be. I wonder what happened.”

“Must not have been selling that well,” he shrugs in his seat.

“Maybe, always seemed full back in the old days when I used to be there quite a lot. Even the last time was pretty crowded.”

Its sad to see a that section tucked away like a forgotten toy with no one really beside me and my husband son browsing the shelves, shrunk to a fraction of it’s former sizes. I look at it from two different angles understandably-as an author who writes fantasy- how successful with a shrinking section would a book signing, going with the thought of not too many sales, be in my city- what are the chances I’d see my name with the others on the shelves?  As a reader I’m sad because if I want a physical book in a reasonable distance, we don’t have too many small book shops around my area, there is less variety that I can get immediately and have that whole experience. I’m thinking the last one actually makes me sadder.

Somewhat Date Night Story

Okay let’s just get this out of the way- book related info. We now have a lovely mailing list which all of you lovely people should sign up for to stay up to date on stuff from me, news, release info, upcoming stuff, sales, giveaways and the occasional bonus content for my books all exclusive to that delivered straight to your in boxes at least once a month. Sign up link is on the sidebar! By the way what’s everyone think of the new layout? I know, I know- I’ve been playing around with it a lot lately but I think I finally got it. Anyway! Kakri’s still hopefully going to be released the 7th, as of right now its looking good- fingers crossed it stays that way. As such the party is still happening, full details are here and if you’re an author who wants to hang out, feel free to use the form linked in that post to let me know what times you might want.

And lastly I would be completely remiss if I didn’t mention that Vengeance of Segennya (Owner of now two five star reviews on Amazon! Can’t tell I’m proud of this can you?)  is on sale for 99 pennies on Barnes and Noble and Smashwords.

Okay onto the actual topic of this post. It’s no secret I’m a geek and so is my hubby, sometimes how much we are still takes us by surprise. Take Valentines Day, we wandered through our town’s pretty much only dedicated craft store because I was looking to possibly make a couple things since I was feeling rather DIY. As we wandered we came across some home decor and in particular those angel and cherub statues. Now we’ve been watching Doctor Who over the past six months, and if anyone else is in that fandom you know these statues take on a whole new light after watching the episode Blink in particular but any episode with the weeping angels will do it.

Hubby *stops the cart in front of the display*- Don’t Blink.

Me *looking at something else*- What are you talking about?

Hubby- Look at them, if you blink you’re dead.

I look forward to see the “evil” display of statues and start laughing.- Really? You’re referencing  this now?

Him- Look at them they are angels! They’re eyes are closed even! *We start circling the display somewhat* That one!… That one ! ….Even that one!

Oddly he does have a point. I decide to not tell him this though.- “And your point is?”

Him- They could kill us at any time! They’re all closed they could move! Well except for that one.

It was a statue of a baby cherub that indeed had its eyes open. *The hubby whispers* It’s the only safe one.

Him- Run! *He moves with the cart behind me* Take her first!

We walk away rather fast going along with how he’s played this up. Me- Nice to on the most romantic holiday- or at least what’s supposed to be- you’ll sacrifice your wife to weeping angels.

Him- Yup!

Not sure what I expected really in the event of a weeping angel attack. We’ve already been through the theoretical zombie attack plan and he’s already insisted on the same thing if I can’t keep up. At the same time I doubt it would have happened- hopefully. But that’s the relationship we have, we jibe like that and threaten to sacrifice  each other to fictional monsters that are out of shows we watch. We find references where many would either ignore them as though they weren’t there, and I was once among this group- it was actually only recently I was able to do this, and we play with them like this. To be honest I think our son enjoys or antics, he definitely seemed amused during this and probably actually somewhat got the joke since he watches Doctor Who with us at three and for Halloween actually went as the tenth doctor. We’re still waiting on the day though he can join in on our game nights with our friends.

Ending note- holy crap I’ve been blogging for a year already! The blog itself is a bit older since I formed it before I really got into what I wanted for a central hub. It’s been kinda a crazy year, weddings, final undergrad year starting and finally publishing and working on and getting ready for launching Kakri and working on Darkness as well as future series. What will year two on here bring I wonder? Thanks for sticking around- here’s to a glorious next year. *raises coffee*

The General State of Things – and Pricing?

First off, this post took a drastic change of direction. Secondly, can I say I’m starting to get really freaked that the cover reveal is tomorrow, its my first time doing it so its kinda odd and not sure what to expect. I hope people like it, I’m especially in love with the front cover but tomorrow will tell. In the meantime I’ve kept busy with other things such as the artwork, see this post for that and the teaser for Kakri.  Second getting the Author Spotlight fully going, so far there’s been a bit of demand and I already have the next couple weeks booked up, but like I’ve said I’ll add more days for posting.

I have noticed though that a lot of my blogging lately has been mainly marketing though, which I’m trying to break. Sadly since I’ve been pretty housebound due to weather and a bum car I’ve been rather dull in other areas. Luckily though one the car is busy getting fixed as I type this so hopefully this will change a bit. I will say it would be awesome to be able to go out for a coffee if I feel inclined again, when I feel like it. I have to give a HUGE thanks though to my in laws for helping us get to and from places mainly while the car has been down. In related news  thanks to my son’s current unit in school and them working on it we’re probably going to be hitting an adventure in potty training  to go along with the unit- god help us all.  At least he’s taking an interest in doing it and we have introduced it before though it still hasn’t taken entirely but progress.  I’m also still wondering how long I have before before his new found artistic talent goes from purely on paper and the occasional trail off of the paper and onto tables. Fun times in my house, fun times.

And because I’ve seen this pop up a lot lately I’m curious myself- how much do you pay for e-books as a preference? For the time being lets ignore free because everyone loves to try those I know I do. I’ve seen the gambit though anywhere from .99 cents or 1.99 being the more common low end to 2.99 being the norm- these being regular prices. Some insist they won’t buy anything over the 3 dollar mark for indie books, whether this applies to more traditional published books I don’t know- the posts have never said. I’m assuming for phrasing this isn’t the case and that traditionally published books are either not favored at all or held in a different regard. This somewhat bothers me, because I’m indie my books should never be sold for the 6-9 dollar range that a lot of e-books are sold for- if not more if page count warrants. Selling Vengeance which is about 330 pages for the same price as Kakri which will probably be about 100 doesn’t seem right on a regular basis seems off. Heck even having them very close in price which the most common responses would place them at seems odd. Indie or not- if a book catches my eye and I think I’ll enjoy it price becomes very little concern. Though I might hold off a touch on just buying it and preview it first if its like A Dance with Dragons which was like 18 dollars when I bought it, which was a lot different than my usual fantasy fare.

I don’t know cheap is preferred and that makes sense but it just seems putting a cap on it we’re kinda screwing indie authors. That said it could be just a few who cap the cost of books or some who cap it regardless of what means were used for publishing or some that don’t cap the cost at all, so long as a book is quality. So what’s your answer to this debate? Fine paying any price so long as the book is good or is cheaper definitely better?

The Little Reminders of Why it is Worthwhile

Today was a somewhat quiet Saturday for us anyway, there’s not even the sounds of video games being played on our television due to a friend’s cold or from the computer next to me. Instead my hubby finishes watching his show  before turning in I continue my all day struggle to get something done on Kakri while enjoying the Christmas tree for one of the last nights this season. (Yes I’m having a hard time already taking the damn thing down and am never one to rip it down a day or two after the official end of the holidays.) This was also the case yesterday though it was a different tree I was enjoying since we went over to my in-laws where I delivered a couple signed copies of Vengeance to my sister and mother in law. As we were chatting on the process, sharing with them how I did it since  we never have had a chance to really, really get into the behind the scenes stuff, running this blog, costs, setbacks that drove me up the wall- the list goes on and on but you get the idea. As we chatted my sister in law’s boyfriend’s daughter came upstairs from where they were watching a show  and they showed her the book. .

“Hey look at this,” my in-law’s boyfriend said to her. “You know how you love to write? Do you know who wrote this?”

She shook her head no. “That girl behind you, Tiffany,” he tells her.

She looks at the book then turns to look at me, mouth wide open. “Yup,” I say blushing unable to find much more to say really. She turns back to the book real fast then half looks at me again.

“See,” my sister in law tells her. “If you work hard you might be able to do it too.”

That, ladies and gentlemen is partly why I set out on this journey. To prove you can get past the gatekeepers, chart your own course and with a lot of hard work succeed in this thing that just years ago was essentially crossed off the list to the point of never going to do it. Sure I haven’t hit the whole payoff section of this all, I’m no overnight success but  I did it, I published a book and I’ll publish more. I have stories to tell plain and simple. And in these past few weeks of doing a more aggressive campaign to get word out about Vengeance being released in between holidays and looking forward to how to handle 2014 in that regard and what the year has in store its a nice reminder of partly why I did it in the first place. Hopefully when my son gets a bit older and can understand things a bit better he can take the same lesson away and apply them to his own interests, wherever they lie.

Yet Another Reflection Post for 2013

Hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas, mine was great except for this post-Christmas cold I’m dealing with now and in turn have apparently given every member of my house in some degree. Today is the first day I’ve actually been semi-productive since Christmas Day and is definitely not how I wanted to spend my last weekend of 2013. Speaking of the last weekend I suppose I should pause briefly and look back on the year, usually I don’t really- one year at times seems to blend into another but this year is totally different. It’s been an emotional roller coaster, the best and worst but all that aside, what a year. Beginning with the build up to wedding and eventually the actual day it has been amazing. We couldn’t have asked for a better day despite the few rain sprinkles that popped up. I swear people were always like you won’t remember your wedding, it will all be  blur and the only part you will remember is the reception so no need to spend a ton on it. I remember it pretty well, I remember walking down the aisle on my father’s arm, him giving me away in his joking way and standing there next to my now husband as the wind blew through the trees kicking up the hem of my dress. I remember after looking out over the crowd and seeing a bunch of tears being wiped away and the smiles and laughter. I also remember how many jokes to not go through  with it were thrown about even well after the ceremony was done, the best one was probably the miming of going fishing instead that was done days before. Fast forward to starting my senior undergraduate year of college at long last, and my last semester earlier this month. And then finally just over a week ago releasing my first published novel to the world, Vengeance of Segennya which finally fulfilled that dream for years ago that started in the classrooms of high school when another story encouraged to do it. Oddly as I told a friend who brought it up recently I still have that story mostly intact last I knew, whether it will see the light of day yet I don’t know but its fun to look at remembering where this all began.

As far as what 2014 holds, well as you know there are two books planned for the year. I had meant over the past few days to get a fun post regarding Vengeance put together that I started just before Christmas but have yet to do it.  So I hope now that I’m over this cold at least mostly I can finally finish that. Also hopefully in the next week or so be on the look out for the first looks at the first 2014 book.

Enjoy the last bit of 2013,

Tiffany

‘Tis the Season for Memories

It seems my husband and I have this conversation almost nightly this time of year, for him Christmas is a time he sometimes rather leave than take. It starts too early and the start of the cold weather gets to him among other things. Me, I love it cold and all, at the same time its a bittersweet time for me because of how things have changed over the past few years and people who are absent, namely my mother. Christmas growing up started shortly after Halloween, when the baking would start to be prepped for which would officially start just before Thanksgiving and not fully end until Super Bowl Sunday. My parents went all out every year and my Mom was the major drive behind that, whether it was decorating the yard with an insane amount of lights, figures and even getting so crafty they made their own and had everything mapped out in the fall, riding around looking at other lights people put up or just being the center of whatever we were up to this week. Christmas Eve for us is and was a grand affair that was as good as Christmas Day, a house full of kids, parents and usually a visit from Santa, though that ended after a particular Christmas when Santa indulged a bit too much in the egg nog if you catch my drift. It’s these memories that make Christmas so special to me, and are ones I try to make with my munchkin now, the cooking, backing and while our yard isn’t big enough for a grand lighting display like I had when I was a kid we have tree, and a few extra lights.

As cliche as it sounds, it is truly the memories we hang onto, the memories that make the moments which matter. So as bittersweet as the season can be for me, for example I still cannot listen to some particular carols without tearing up I still love it because I hold onto those memories of Christmas past, the visits with family, Santa, driving my parents crazy with the same Christmas specials a thousand times by the time the month is over, the gingerbread houses that fill some of my earliest memories. So often as adults we overlook these rather simple things, we grow to hate our dislike our relations sometimes for whatever reason and/or being around them just causes us stress. We forget the magic that enthralled us as kids, and that’s something I never want to fully do. So sometime this season, take a moment and slow down, especially useful since we’re in the last couple weeks. Remember that state you were in as a kid this time of year and it might just recharge you. Make sure to take the time out and just enjoy, this coming from someone who has yet to even start Christmas shopping.

Now I didn’t for this post to go, so philosophical/ dreary at times but I suppose its somewhat unavoidable. I also avoided for the most part the material aspect because its not that important to me and there are other places and many discussion for that. So what are your best Christmas memories?

Yup… Still Doing That One Thing.

You know, that one thing.  That one thing that is also called editing- which is why things have been so quiet here.  Good news is we’re getting somewhere and its not all- “This is the worst, most awful thing ever!  Why did you even write this let alone say you were publishing it?!”   I imagine most people, writer/author or not, are familiar with that voice out there.  Oh yeah there are times, mainly lines or paragraphs that cue that response, but then I remember as much as I and basically anyone with a creative passion would love its not going to be done perfect right out of your brain to the page.  You are going to have character moments that all just seems off the wall, the balance is going to be off between them like one gets a bit more of the spotlight than the others, and you are going to definitely have those moments of well this was a cool idea at the time but now it just sucks and needs to be replaced by a cooler idea or one that actually fits in the story.  I mention this stuff because while editing has been talked a thousand times over on various websites and blogs  and so much of these things are mentioned there because honestly I thought I would never be able to do it at all.  I thought I’d never be able to silence that voice that says “you suck,”  that I would never be able to get past the parts in the story that are just bad, go crazy and trigger that voice in some way making it impossible to silence and continue doing what needs to be done.  This is also why five drafts got essentially trashed before this with only a few ideas left intact at least in idea form with one of them not even complete when I did it.  Now keep in mind this isn’t one of those, if you can overcome all this- then you’ll be fine editing your writing yourself.  It is definitely not the solution for everyone though I think it is part of the solution, and for the most part it worked for me.  Now if only I can stop using various parts of grammar almost stupidly much… like commas.

In other news, and please forgive the mom moment for a second here, reached one of the last major milestones with munchkin this week, he started school this past Monday and man do I now feel old.  All in all it wasn’t too bad, he fussed a bit and is still getting used to the routine (he’s never seen daycare or been away too much fro Mom and Dad) and being told more than usual what to do.  At the same time when we drop him off he’s pretty much off and running often trying to go into other classrooms that are there, whether this is just him being eager or they’re just new places to explore still has yet to be seen.  We did the whole first day- hang out a few to see how he does the first day and even when I told him goodbye he was like “See ya- I’m just gonna play in the ball pit.”  So right now Mom is enjoying her time of quiet though seeing dawn again is definitely an adjustment I didn’t think I would have to do so soon after my high school days.

So Back to work and relaxing while I have the opportunity-

Tiffany