Thoughts of the Self-Described Geek

So this blog is much more philosophical than I anticipated going out though I’m pretty sure my upcoming nuptials are to blame, though don’t get me started on that front- why is it so close to the date everything falls apart.  First to business- the contest is still going on with our goal of 50 likes on the fan page so share, like if you haven’t and get entered!

So ironically as we were playing D&D yesterday- the start of the much anticipated Evil Campaign I got word that our usual source of YouTube entertainment Geek and Sundry (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUU4L0QzA0E <link to the video that started this string of consciousness)  seriously it makes up a good portion of our things we have on TV aside from Hulu so I highly recommend it, is picked up for a second year. The announcing video talks had Felicia Day talking about Geek in terms of current culture and just the definition in general.  Its this definition that got me thinking as we played and I had trouble roleplaying because it always takes me a bit to get into a new character I roll up so I was getting frustrated at my own failures as my fellow party members took charge of the story and had a great time of being general dicks to the NPCs as was the nature of the campaign.  I at one point began to think why am I here? Why do I enjoy this- without fail it always takes me forever it seems to me at least to get into roleplay or the depth of a campaign beyond rolling dice.  That being said I deeply enjoy the game and look forward to every session despite my annoyance because of this fact, but at the same time I began to wonder would someone else see this as I’m not the “label” I put on myself.

This leads me to that definition now its a 5 minute-ish long video I will let you look up but in a nutshell I really didn’t fit the definition so to speak though it wasn’t meant to be restrictive.  Going trait wise of a Geek I kinda fit but don’t at the same time.  Traits like Rebel- well I guess I am somewhat.  Though the only thing I really have rebelled against is with not working (9-5 job that is) while going to school for my particular degree, don’t know how many times the idea is suggested I leave school to work, work and go to school, or change programs over the years since leaving high school, though good intentions were implied it can be frustrating.  Oddly this novel and publishing it is kinda a way of rebelling since before the chances of it being done were low though the chances of it now going beyond friends and family is low oh well.   In terms of the video its more liking things that aren’t mainstream- well sadly my interests- games (MMOs and the like), fantasy books have become a lot more mainstream if they were ever really too far off from it in my lifetime anyway.  Secondly, Outsider- well this one maybe a bit more so than rebel being the two I kinda saw the most in me.  I didn’t have one particular group I hung out with in high school, well let me amend this I could associate and be friendly with everyone without really getting shut out/ bullied though everyone had their close groups.  Even with my own close group there were a few “geeky” things that set me apart- my like of anime or manga (most considered it childish at the time), sci-fi shows, though at least we shared some fantasy books we loved which kept me from going insane.

So how are these even remotely related?  Well it comes down to judgement I think.  Yeah some would say I’m not a gamer, or a geek cause I have such a problem getting into games like D&D- I disagree- it doesn’t take away from my enjoyment and they way I see it- its partly my own damn fault.  Those outsider years caused me to shut off this side and develop a very self conscious aspect to that side of my likes I, in more recent years since the fiancee and I started really gaming together, am shrugging off.  The fear of being judged for being too nerd/geeky or hell for not being *insert adjective here* enough, no joke as I was coming more back into these interests early in my fiancee’s and my relationship I have been called a pseudo-gamer based on the fact at the time I didn’t play them enough or really have a good sampling.  It goes both ways but from when I actually discovered my interest in gaming it was more from outside than within the community.

And so I find in the same moment  my new favorite quote from that video “Your Judgement is Not My Problem” and when this actually does become a shirt I am so buying it, lol.  This quote is  my new philosophy or attempted philosophy in life because its so true and would have saved me so much headache in those years.  So I say to those who would imply that I’m not a geek based on these facts that yes I am- while I struggle with role play for one reason or another the key is I still enjoy the game and that’s all that matters.  Like what you like and like it how you like it and you don’t need to be good at it all or breeze through it all to qualify.  People will say and think what they want about you and what you do, geek related or not and to do what I did for years and kinda hide part of your likes and interests behind a curtain because you’re worried about losing friendships or being judged isn’t healthy or needed.  Let them judge though it might hurt at the time it is ultimately their problem not yours and you don’t need to worry about it.

So while yes I apologize this post did ramble and somewhat go off track in the middle I wanted to keep it the same as my thought process yesterday.  In short if you’re a geek you’re a geek- and its more a personal definition than what society might shove out, there is no clear 100% sure definition just a feeling you can identify with and maybe liking something beyond what everyone else says you should like or have an interest in.  Its a lesson I wish I had learned long ago.

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